youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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