PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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