My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Randomize
