before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
