and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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