Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
