That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
