every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
