rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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