All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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