did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
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There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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