I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
