Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I love having hate sex.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
