ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
