Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
BRING THE BAGELS
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
