you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
