Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
don't judge my taste in strippers
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
