he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
