well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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