Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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