drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
