I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
