Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
if only i could text you this smell
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
