I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Plan B is the new Plan A
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
