Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
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