I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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