He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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