i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My ATM looks so different sober.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
