I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
