It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
