she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
