you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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