im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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