This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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