Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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