used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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