Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I have already put on my inside pants.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
