K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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