also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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