I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
