Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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