I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
