discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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