I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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