I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize