but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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