dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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