Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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