margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
