They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize