Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I have tasted many bathrooms
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
