I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we're making bets on your personal life
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
