I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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