The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
