hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
