I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just gift wrapped bread.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
