Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
