i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
What a dumb baby whore.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
