look no pants
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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