someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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