I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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