so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
