I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
