is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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